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Have you ever just wanted to learn how to say no? Ah, how passionate I am about this certain topic.
I used to be a major people pleaser. It didn’t matter where I was, at work, with friends or with strangers, I would always get myself in situations which I did not want to be in, solely because I just could…not…say… NO!
Well, let me get you in on a little secret. I’ve cracked the code to how to say no and get away with it. I know I’m making it seem like a big deal but you guys, it really is something to rejoice.
Before I let you in on my secret 3 part method of saying no, I will tell you why it is important to learn to sometimes refuse services/invitations/whatever else you don’t want to be doing.
I will start by using an example of something that happened to me a few years back.
Rewinding it back to my first year at this new job I had. Nice place, okay colleagues, good bosses. Everything seemed great. It was a pretty large division I was in, it consisted of upwards of 70 employees, many of them who I obviously didn’t get to know all that well when I first started.
All of a sudden, people would come up to me and say, “Hey! We’re collecting money to buy lady-you-don’t-know a gift for her birthday!”, or “Hey! Lady-you-barely-know’s daughter is getting married! We are pitching in to buy a present!”, or, “Lady-you-know-from-passing is sick in the hospital. We’re collecting money for flowers.” You get the idea.
Nowwwww, me being me back then, I would always pitch in. Even if I gave a little bit of money, I didn’t want the word around my workplace to be that I was a cheapskate, because I wasn’t. But the number of times I’d pitched in for someone I barely even knew was insane. In the one year I worked in that division, I must’ve given out upwards of $300. No joke.
Moral of my story: If you don’t know the person, don’t pitch in. It’s not worth it.
Okay, back to our chat about saying NO! Read up, buttercup…
I ask myself 3 questions whenever I am asked to do something I don’t want to do/go somewhere I don’t want to go.
1. Is it worth my time?
Major key to success (DJ Khaled fans, where you at?). Think carefully about if the task you are asked to take part in is something that will benefit you emotionally, physically, or mentally. Is it something that will add any value, or lessons to your life?
2. Is it worth my money?
If you choose to spend money on this event you don’t want to go to, or dinner after work with co-workers you don’t even like, will you feel like it was worth it? Will you feel good spending your hard-earned money towards this event?
And last but certainly not least..
3. Will it bring me joy?
How will you feel about doing this thing which someone asked you to do? Will you be happy about it? Or will it make you miserable for the rest of the day?
If you’ve answered “no” to any of these- congrats! You are entitled to say NO THANKS BOO.
How to “nicely” decline things you don’t want to do/events you don’t want to attend.
Okay, so with saying no comes the responsibility of giving a short, but an effective explanation. The key here is not to be rude, and not to hurt someone’s feelings. Simple.
If you don’t want to attend an event, simply say: No thank you, I’m busy that day. Doing what? Some private matters, I hope you understand.
Short, sweet, and to the point.
If it’s something at work you’re asked to do, which you know damn well is not your business to be doing, say something like this: You know, I actually don’t think I’ll be able to help you with that. I think if you ask insert-name-of-someone-who’s-job-it-actually-is, they might be able to help you more than I can. Sorry!
Again, tactful and effective.
You can always tell a little white lie if you want, but I think just giving an explanation without really explaining anything works best, because it doesn’t warrant any follow-up questions.
SO! Are you going to try these? Try them a few times, and see how you do. Remember to be confident when speaking, avoid any umms and uhhhhs, and you’ll do great!
Have you ever had to say no and failed? I feel you! Let me know what happened in the comments below!
Related:
HOW TO GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER
It always important to practice on saying “no”. It won’t make anyone look rude or anything and as you mentioned on this post no need to go on full on details when you say no at certain things.
Michelle| http://www.brokebutflawless.com
I ended saying yes to this guy and the relationship went down the drain together with my self confidence
Oh no! I’m sorry to hear that. There’s no way but up from here. I hope you take this time to heal and work on yourself and wait for a future partner who will appreciate you!